Thursday, March 1, 2007

The definition of difficult

To say this job is difficult would be like saying the sky is blue. While it is blue most of the times, there are stormy days, rainy days, windy days, cloudy days and clouds that change shape Sunsets that appear and dissappear, sunrises that happen and colors varying from place to place. You are knocked back by the beauty of it all and running for cover when the rain comes down. So difficult is one word yes, but never have I had a job that I can say that inside the space of a 24 hour period I have been spitting nails mad, frusterated beyond belief, saddened without hope, excited with promise, etremely energized, and just plain exhasted to no end. This job is like no other job I have ever worked, and like nothing I ever would have expected, but I can't imagine my life without doing it. Daily it gives me hope in a greater good, and it has changed me as a person for the better. I now see outside the circle that most people are so stuck in, I see what can be, I see hope in the face of tragedy. I see unselfishness and giving in the time of extreme sadness and loss. I have also met some incredible families and people doing this job and my life has been forever changed by them.

People ask me, often in fact... almost once or twice I am in a hospital: How is it that you can do this job? I am sure every coordinator has heard this question, Im not alone. My usual answer is: How could I not? This job and what I do are part of who I am. Its extremely difficult yes, and there are some days I want to quit because I can't do it another day, but I can't think of anything else I would rather do, so I continue only to be rewarded with yet another day.

This job puts my life in perspective. I am thankfull for things I once took for granted. The ability to spend time with my family. The health of my children and spouse, my parents. People live in such a bubble that they dont realize how lucky they are sometimes. Everything I have I am so much more thankful for, and this job has made me realize that every day I live is a precious gift.